Tough day, better tomorrow?

There are some things that you can just never un-see. There are also things that are never explained well until you do them. When both of those instances combine, you get mass hysteria. I have noticed thus far on wards that your mood is contagious. If you're in a bad mood, then most of your team will be. If you are really stressed, then most of your team will be. If you are FREAKING OUT, then most of your team will be. I've noticed that it's multiplied by 20 when it's the leader of the team. You always think about those that are meant to be leaders and those that aren't. There's a reason that you are told to "set a good example," especially a sense of calm.

My new challenge is to be the rock. Luckily, I have had 2 great boys at my side that make this a little easier. They are less malleable when it comes to a high stress level. They may freak out on the inside, but they keep it together. I would like to think that I hold it together, but my face is all telling. There is just not a good way to keep the shock at bay. When the people in charge freak out, it trickles down and multiplies. Today, that was very apparent. I just wonder sometimes how people do this every day. I will adjust and learn. Today was tough. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better. Maybe I just need a full weekend off. Thankfully, that is this weekend.

The Simple Things

I've noticed that it's the little things that matter. Little things can turn into big things - good or bad. For example, my laundry piles up all week, and my room becomes cluttered (shocking!). At the end of the weekend when I feel guilty, I begin to clean up sections of the room or do a load of laundry. On Monday when I'm getting ready, it feels great! It's like a whole new world that is in order. (If only all of life was this simple!) Then, there are little things that bug you to death and end up driving you crazy.

When I'm stressed or feeling like a failure at, well, life, the simple act of putting something else in order makes life more manageable. You would think that I would have figured this out by now, but I guess I forgot. Just sharing this little pearl. So, just doing something simple for someone else is a small little miracle. I miss my dad b/c he does that for us - getting a tank of gas or running and errand for us. He is busy too, but he is always willing to do something small for us. Man, I wish I were in the Ham! :)

Forgive and Forget

Recently, my pastor from my church at home gave a wonderful sermon on forgiveness. I just thought I would share his points.

1. Saying yes to forgiveness can you you the freedom to say, "I love you." Love can cover a multitude of sins. Love is not about changing people into what you want them to be. It's easy for us to get trapped in criticism. (Amen!)
2. Saying yes to forgiveness can give you the freedom to say, "I am sorry." We want to be forgiven, but we have problems passing that along. God freely forgives us, but we are very slow to forgive each other.
3. Saying yes to forgiveness can give you the freedom to say, "You are forgiven." Forgiveness is like a light - it dispels the darkness.

In closing, he said that when you say yes to forgiveness, you set the prisoner free. And, that prisoner is you. When you can't forgive, you give people power over you.

These simple things really made an impact with me. It's really easy to forgive but never forget. Every time you get into a fight, you bring up every wrong doing that a certain person has done against you. We're all guilty of that one. True forgiveness is letting go, and let me tell you - that is the hard part. It's so easy to carry all that anger and hurt around with us. How do you let go? Well, I don't necessarily have the answer to that, but in the end, I always end up thinking about how it's not that big of a deal.... Sin is sin. We all hurt. We all damage other people. It's a natural human flaw. If we learn nothing from it or don't let go of it all, it weighs us down. Plus, I feel like most of the time people really are sorry - we just don't want to hear it b/c we would rather hang on to all the hurt. Not really easy, but I guess that really isn't the point.

Good things, bad things

It's that time of year in my life as a second year med student - studying for step 1 (DUM, DUM, DUM!). I am officially half way through and scared to death that I'm going to fail or bomb it. I have been feeling rather whiney lately (surprise, surprise). Then, today at church I had a reality check.

Our head pastor and his wife were in a horrible wreck the Saturday before Palm Sunday. They were both badly injured. Today was his first day back preaching. He was standing in the pulpit wearing a neck brace. His wife has yet to come back to church (her recovery has been slow due to the severity of her injuries). He stood up there and described what happened. He was napping as they were driving back from seeing family just a few hours north of Mobile. His wife was driving down I-65. The next thing he knows, he's awakened by his wife saying, "Oh God, I have just run off the road." From other accounts, they have figured out that they flipped 5 times before coming to a halt upside down about 5 miles outside of Greenville. He only remembers bits of what happened b/c he lost consciousness. But at one point, they woke him up in the ambulance and told him to say goodbye to his wife and tell her that he loved her b/c she was being air lifted to Mobile.

He went on to say that it's been really hard and to thank those that have been so kind and talked to him the couple of Sundays that he came to church (without his wife) to just participate in the services. He said that it's really hard to go through something like this and then come home. (He and his wife have been staying with their daughter, son-in-law, and new grandbaby.) I can't imagine what it's been like for their family. All I have to say is that it's a miracle that they're both alive (considering the crash and injuries). You know, for someone to just be celebrating a new baby in the family and then be struck by tragedy is just awful. However, he (and his family) have been able to get through it - with the help of many, I'm sure. I guess it just goes to show you that no matter how miserable you are or how hard things get, God sends people and messages for you. Whether they're messages of love or a reality check, He's got it covered.

Another thing that our pastor said today - bad things happen quickly. It's the good things that take a while - like finishing school or building a life with someone. I just thought that was very true. You never see the bad things coming. They just hit and move on - like the damage in T-town due to the tornadoes or a car wreck that changes your life. But, good things - like recovery and the help of friends - those take time. Just as healing.

Mawaige is what bwings us together today

I think it's comforting sometimes to realize that you are not alone in your problems. I find myself and many others contemplating the same thing lately - marriage. I think that it's really hard growing up in the South, where my aunt was married by age 16 and my mother and sister by age 24. Most of my friends are wondering when and how they are supposed to meet someone when:

1. The only people that we see are the same people everyday - classmates & attendings
2. The prospects are grim - classmates.

Strangely, this is not just the females. I've heard some of the guys mention it as well (which usually makes me laugh). I just wonder how people so driven to get where they are can suddenly be so worried about finding a significant other. I just feel like we all have this fear that we'll end up alone. While I don't believe that is the case for any of us, I really think that in weak moments where we are exhausted, sleep-deprived, and/or hungry (Do not underestimate the power of hunger.), we give into the fear.

I know that we all need a partner to venture through life with us, but I think my little sis said it best recently (while we were talking about marriage). She said that she's been reading a book, Lady in Waiting, and it said that women typically think that marriage will make them complete, when it will not. I think that this is always the case - we constantly say to ourselves and others, "If I can just get ___, then I'll be okay." That could be married, have children, finish med school, ect. However, I think that we need to find confidence in God that he will lead us down the path that he has set out for us.

The "just for fun" league

Games are not "just for fun" when medical students are involved. We happen to play a lot of catch phrase at the cozy cottage, which usually results in a least 2 or 3 people arguing about rules and cheating. There is also a lot of laughing. However, we are all so darn competitive. This also bleeds over into every game we play. We have a coed team for volleyball in the "just for fun" league. I told them not to include me if they were to competitive because I am honestly not very good at volleyball. They said that they really weren't.

Last night was intense. In volleyball intramurals, you play best out of 5, which means that it's usually over after 3 games. However, we lost the 1st 2 games last night. Midway through game 3 when we were ahead, one guy on our team was sitting out talking about what we needed to win. I immediately got nervous. That meant that they would expect me not to catch the ball AND hit it over the net. Then, we won games 3 &4. I made it through without catching the ball. However, I did hit the ball out on a few occasions. Even though I did really well for me, I still felt bad about losing and apologized constantly. In the 5th and final game, the entire room was silent before each serve and a thunder storm roared in the background. No joke. It was intense! We ended up losing by 2 points. It was so sad. How did something fun get so intense? I really think that there really isn't a "just for fun" league when med students are involved. I guess I'm no exception.

Family portrait, shmortrait

I can't resist posting a few pics from our family vacation, especially since we have our first true family portrait since I don't know when... Maybe Ellen's wedding. So, 3 years ago. No one else is getting married any time soon, so we took matters into our own hands.

I like pics where we're all laughing. I think it's more real life.

However, if you ever meet anyone in my family, this will be a familiar sight.

This pose was the brainchild of Ellen and me. My mother was very dismayed. Mike resisted the temptation to join. I don't see why.

Well, I hope that you have enjoyed our silliness. On to study some neuro, since I avoided it like the plague during spring break. Boo.