Yum.... Pumpkin

There is something about fall that makes me sooo happy. (Maybe it's that I won't sweat the moment I walk out the door in the morning.) Although Mobile has not cooled down yet, it is promising when you walk about the door and say to yourself, "Hey! It's kind of chilly!"

The smells of fall and winter are so inviting - apple cider, good coffee, baked goods! Man, I always want to cook things that are absolutely horrible for me! I saw the most wonderful recipe for pumpkin cupcakes that I might have to make for the girls' intramural flag football game. Sometimes I think that there's something wrong with me. Who wants to cook?! Um, me. :) Pumpkin bread, pumpkin cupcakes, apple pie.... I'm getting hungry just thinking about it! Wait. I have to study... Maybe it will all work out somehow. Now, I have to figure out when I have time to go grocery shopping!

Moving on....

Someone told me when I started med school that it would be hard to watch life continue on normally for everyone else while you're stuck in the library. Originally, I thought, "Duh. I mean, what else to you expect to happen?" However, I don't really think that it hit me until this year. When you are miles away from people that you almost (or literally) lived with, you realize how important they are and what they provided. What's even harder is the fact that they go on to experience different things and don't tell you about it. You realize that you no longer are privy to their day to day experience. Along with that, things may change rather quickly.

Even calling for a momentary reality check can be somewhat disturbing. You realize that someone moved or started someone new, and you had no idea. While sometimes these things seem small, it really makes you think about how stuck you are. Working towards something is somewhat rewarding, but it is mainly frustrating - everything is put on hold in pursuit of one thing. This means that the normal things in life fade into the background. You forget what it's like to hold a conversation that doesn't include discussions about diseases, weird skin rashes, or diarrhea, which is frustrating for people outside of class. You forget birthdays, days of the week, and months of the year. More frustratingly, you can't attend weddings of close friends, hang out at a tailgate, or celebrate holidays with family.

Essentially, life moves on without you. You simply can't do everything or be there for everyone. Then, you call up those people to vent about your life, which is unfair to them - the friendship becomes somewhat one-sided. I guess all friendships are one-sided at some point, but this doesn't help the feeling of helplessness that encompasses you when you remember that your reality is not even reality at all. While school may be life, that's not all there is to life. There's so much more, even if you are stuck for the moment in the warped reality that is med school....

Mismatch Day...

So, I left the house in a hurry and ran to class. I was running a little more late than usual - I left at 7:35 instead of 7:20. I know. I'm a lame early-riser. When I study, I curl up in my seat. I fold up my legs or put them in another seat. After studying for a while, I was changing positions when I looked down and realized that I was wearing two different shoes! I was wearing a brown flip flop and a black flip flop. I take all of my shoes off in the same place and didn't realize that I had put on two different shoes on the way out the door. To make matters worse, I was wearing a blue jean skirt that came a few inches above my knees. My feet were exposed where everyone could see.

Strangely enough, no one noticed (unless I told them). In fact, I made it all the way through bible study that night at 8 until Shannon told the people standing around me. That's right. Unlike locking my keys in my car, I did something hair-brained without anyone knowing! Ha ha ha! Oh the small things in life.

Secondary career?

Sometimes I really wonder how I got here - medical school. There are many things that I do better than science. I could have been a counselor, chef, professor of literature, or gold digger. (That was for Liz.) :) Quite frankly, I believe that the reason I'm here is because this is what I am meant to do. This makes me wonder if everyone feels that way.

Today, it is very common for people to have not one or two careers but three or four. Some move from job to job. For example, I know someone that was a very successful lawyer. After a while, he decided to stop working for a prominent law firm and become an entrepreneur. He first owned a couple of Express Oil places. Then, after selling those off, he now owns an ice cream shop and who knows what else. However, these jobs do not define him.

My parents' jobs define them to an extent. My father is a minister, and my mother is a high school counselor. I really don't think that my dad will EVER stop working. He will always serve a church in some capacity. My mother has changed jobs a few times, all within the same field. She was a high school biology teacher, stay at home mother, special education teacher (middle school), middle school & high school counselor. While all of these jobs have different titles, they do the same thing. All of these jobs require a lot of time. Essentially, they are workaholics.

A job can define who you are to a certain extent. It can take over your entire life. What I can't decide is if this is a good or bad thing. Also, what happens to the other interests that you have. While my mother loves science, she does not really do anything with it anymore. In fact, she doesn't really have time for any hobbies. So, what happens to our secondary interests in life. Are they persued? Are they left behind? Or, do they turn into a secondary career? Now, I wonder what that means for me. Will my career change because of what I feel that I am meant to do? I can't say. I least I can say that I will finish medical school and be a doctor at least until I have paid off my loans. Other than that, who knows what will happen next.... Maybe I'll win the lottery and really have my life turned upside down. :)

Sunshine & misc

There was a gap there... I was traveling and working at camp this summer. Both left me frequently without internet or phone service... I've kind of enjoyed being disconnected. :)

I forgot how much I loved the outdoors. As sad as this is, I literally missed the sun shining on my face for more than the two minutes that it takes me to walk to my car. There really is something to be said about being outside tromping around in the woods. One of my co-counselors at camp was deathly afraid of getting a tick or leeches (from the lake during canoeing). These things do not scare me. Neither do snakes, really. Maybe I should get my head examined... Taking a summer break to frolic in the sun was just what I needed. While I do not look forward to retreating back indoors for this fall, I am glad that I have somewhat gotten some freedom.

Other than that, I have decided that I love visiting family. You never know what you'll learn... Oh, the many things that you find out from relatives. :) Anyhow, I should probably go to bed, so I can get up and start cleaning and packing to head back to school. :l

plan of mice n' men

Summer is slipping through my hands. I can't believe that it's almost July!

It's strange to me how life doesn't work out as planned. As dumb as that sounds, I still have the audacity to make plans. (I am a fool. I know.) Plans make everything seem organized when life isn't that way. I would like to believe that one day I will not make any plans for the day. I think I might do an experiment one day and plan nothing. While it will probably be very difficult, it would be interesting to see if it's any different than a normal summer day. Let the experiment begin!

Oh, the insanity

There are some people that allow you the freedom to be yourself without any barriers. I find that they are few in number but very valuable. When all else fails, these people allow you to be goofy, inconsolable, in a funk, or just difficult. This is amazing to me. In a world where I find myself tamed into the cage that is socially acceptable and comfortable for others, these few friends make it possible to break free - to unleash the madness within. Let's be honest, we all have madness within. Usually, this is locked away inside where very few see the absolute insanity that comes with conversations at the wee hours of the morning or after your brain has turned to mush.

This summer has been an endeavor outside the normal, tamed box. I am currently running straight on into the madness at camp, embracing the insanity and loveliness of chaos as it crosses my path. While unsettling, chaos and craziness provide a calm and rejuvenating freedom of insanity that I lost somewhere in the black hole of medical school. So, sign me up for the looney bin. I am ready. :) WOOOOOHOOO for summer!