Change - a big word

Change. Not a word that anyone likes to hear on a regular basis. What does it mean when a person is different? Is it that we get to know them better and our opinions change? Or is it that we change gradually everyday so that we become someone with a different outlook? Can people change? These are all questions that effect who we become.

When people have relationship issues, a common comment is, "You are not the person I knew when we met." Does that mean that the person was not supposed to change over time? Honestly, people are always changing. This does not mean that a person changes completely from one day to the next. However, I do believe that we make decisions each day that slightly change our personalities leading us down different paths in life. The simple decision to ignore the truth could end in denial and a bitter outlook, whereas another trivial decision could lead a person down a completely different path. I don't think that people are always aware of these trivial decisions. I know that I do not have a plan when I decide where to go to lunch. But, that location may completely change who I encounter and to whom I become close. A trivial decision to have lunch with someone that you don't know, could expand your mind to places that you never though it would go.

So, when someone comments that "I've changed," I take it as a compliment. Is the point of life not to grow and experience all things in life? This would include the good, the bad, and the plain ugly. This does not mean, however, that I am not Anna. Each person will most likely always retain certain characteristics of who they are. So, maybe this is not a morphing process but more like polishing. God will take us and form us into what he wants us to be. So, change is a scary and uncertain thing but not permanent nor final. In some ways, that is very reassuring. I hope that I never stop changing or learning new things.

Self-improvement

On my quest to a more balanced life, I have decided that I have a missing component. While all women would like to lose weight, I want to merely eat better. In order to achieve this, I am counting calories. In order to maintain a healthy lifestyle and maintain something close to order, I am going to start writing down what I eat. Maybe I will cut down on portions. Who needs 5 chocolates in the afternoon? I know that's not good for me. So, this is my quest.

As an update, I do swim on occasion. It's not as regular as I would like, but I have noticed a change in my mood. I am generally more pleased and feel much better after swimming. It's nice to have something outside of school that does not disappoint. Also, it has ever so slightly helped my back issues.... Not completely, but it has taken away some of the numbness in my toes.

Hopefully, I will gain more patience, understanding, and fortitude through these endeavors. Who knows? Maybe my grades might even improve (but don't hold your breath for that one).

The only interesting thing about genetics

I am studying for my genetics test that is on Friday. This transcript had me laughing out loud. Here is a window into my life as a student:

"They have macular degeneration. That’s what makes them blind. Their blindness is worse during the daytime because they macular degeneration means they don’t see color very well. In darkness they see very well. In fact, one of those family members was a drug dealer. He was killed during the daytime, but during the night he was very good (chuckles…)."

"Those kids don’t eat at birth, so because of this, when they start eating at 2 or 3 months, the mothers are so happy that they feed them like crazy to make them grow, and suddenly when they reach 1 year of age, they look like BIG HUGE PUMPKINS!!! The mother is excited the kid is eating – this is not good. I told the mother she didn’t want a pumpkin, she wanted a normal child. "

Yes, these are ACTUAL quotes from class....

Lent

Lent is a time for self examination. I think that all fellow med students would agree that this semester is rough. This excruciating, unrelenting schedule will be over in a few months, but we must make it that far! After many discussions with my roomies and parents, I had a revelation. It's really hard to continue on with this when I know that my life is at a halt. I looked at other's fb profiles and become disheartened b/c life was continuing forward without me. I also have a problem with constantly comparing myself to others. Most would agree that this is what has gotten me where am I today or that it only gives me a competitive nature... However, when taken too far, it can lead only to self loathing. Like, why can't I be as smart as ___. Or, life would be so much easier if ___. These only lead to utter frustration. So, for lent this year, I have given up fb in order to reflect on my strengths and restore my daily walk with God. As I progress through med school, I believe that he has put me here in this situation to strengthen me for what He has planned for me. Right now, I need to trust in Him and make it through this year!! :) Hopefully, this will put my life in perspective.

Cause & Effect

I feel like a freakin' crazy person.

This week: After reading two emails and not paying attention, I missed out on a meeting and forgot to dress up for a picture. Not a big deal... Then, I got a message to meet someone in the lobby today. Like an idiot, I somehow thought he said the student lounge. I then received a text asking me if I were coming to the lobby.... I lost my phone at the house and couldn't find it anywhere. After Britni called it 3 times, I found it in the pantry on a shelf. I just lost my charger after absent mindedly putting it down.

Conclusion: I am slowly loosing my mind. I have turned into a person that doesn't really read emails, forgets appointments, and loses objects all around the house.

Resolution: I am going to try to make my life more balanced. Maybe then, I'll concentrate better and regain some sanity. This includes swimming 3 times a week.... Hopefully, I won't completely lose my mind. Then, we'll all be in trouble.

Forward?

So, I had the recent realization that I might be forward... Strange, right? :) I think that calling a guy first is fine (as long as he has initiated some other form of contact). What's the big deal? You know that someone wants to talk to you, but they don't know your schedule. Since my schedule frequently changes, why not just call the guy first and give him a break? That way, he's not worried about interrupting studying or calling at a bad time. If a person calls at a bad time, thenyou have to leave awkward messages and play phone tag. Why not just cut all of this out and just call the guy? It cuts all this out and makes life a little more simple.

Then again, I did pretty much ask out my boyfriend in high school... I thought it was stupid to spend all our time together and know that we liked each other. So, I just asked him if he liked me straight out (I did tell him that I liked him 1st). He was pretty shocked, but we started dating right after that. I guess I'm just forward by default? Or maybe I'm just blunt... Is that so shocking?

On the Diving Board Once Again

School is back in session. Yuck. I am trying to get back into the swing of things, but it's tough. The classes are more difficult and tests more frequent. My goal is to not loose it this semester and hopefully pass step 1 at the end of the year. This will not be easy. I request patience and support. I apologize for my grim outlook, but there is only so much a person can take. Hopefully, all will be well at the end of the semester and all this worrying will be unnecessary. Until then, I guess I'm just going to dive in and let God do the rest...